It’s important for us to evaluate our circles and know that we are surrounding ourselves with people who are good for us. A lot of the times we end up in friendships due to common interests, personality similarities or because of common areas such as work, high school and college. MOST of the time people call each other friends, but in reality it’s more a convenience thing or there’s some low-key rivalry. Some of us remain in friendships despite the fact that it’s a dead end friendship, but still continue to stick around out of convenience because I mean who would want to voluntarily start over with a brand new set of friends? Nobody. At some point you have to evaluate and ask yourself are any of the friendships I’m in good for me? Is this a friendship that I have outgrown? Am I only friends with this person because I went to college/high school with them? Am I only friends with this person until my shift is over? These are questions that I feel will easily give you an idea of whether your friendships are genuine and whether someone is a friend or an acquaintance.
So far in my adulting, I have realized that a lot of the energy we put out into the world is mostly made up of the energy that we are given meaning if you’re around shitty people you’re going to end up assimilating and becoming a shitty person as well meaning that you’re putting out shitty energy. If you’re around productive people you’re more likely to be inspired by that and become productive yourself.
Here’s a list of what I think a genuine and healthy friendship consists of:
- Respect – You and your friends should have mutual respect for one another. No sneak dissing, clowning or disrespect. You both respect each other’s relationships. Lines aren’t crossed.
- Communication – Good communication is key. It prevents a lot of unnecessary and catty issues especially amongst women. Everybody can talk/vent, but it takes a real friend to be able to just listen. Some people fake listen, but it’s important to have a friend who actually listens and gets you. Make sure you can be that friend as well.
- Balance – you and your friends’ personalities should compliment one another which I think is important because some people may agree on certain things, but not enough for it to be healthy friendship. Also, there should be a balance because no one wants to feel like they’re carrying or forcing the friendship. The amount of time spent together is important in terms of balance as well because too much time spent together can be detrimental. Moderation is key.
- Trust- Trust is really, really, really important because you need to know that when you confide in a friend the information shared between the two of you isn’t shared and vice versa. It’s also important because in a friendship both people should know and feel that their friend always has their back
- No Competiveness – you and your friends shouldn’t be competing or trying to upstage one another.
- Uplifting/Support– Your friends are one of your best sources of support. You should be there for them. They should be there for you.
- Dependability – this is particularly important because it goes hand in hand with balance. I think you should be able to feel like you can count on your friend and they should feel the same way about you. However, that doesn’t mean you should be paying your friends’ bills and they should be buying cars lol unless that’s what you guess have a mutual understanding on.